Visit PonGoad's column >>

PONGOAD

I am not always the author of my life.

Articles Posted: 43 Links Seeded: 0

Member Since: 12/2011 Last Seen: 5/18/2012

We Have Grown Up, Haven't We?

Sat Feb 11, 2012 11:50 PM EST

not-news, thoughts-pongoad, womens-aging-pongoad

Advertise | AdChoices

I am a woman.

I am 56 years old.

I live in the United States of America and in the year 2012.

I am physically capable of doing things many young adults can not do. I can dance with the best of them.

My brain is still sharp.

I do not think it is cool to knock people down just because it is the "in" thing to do. Common courtesy has gone out the window.

I listen to rock, heavy metal, hiphop, classical, religious, dubstep, jazz, romantic, sexy, in-your-face, foreign and any other type of music you can think of. I may not like all of it in each genre, but I like some of it in each genre.

I am computer literate and am up with the times with operating systems and applications. I can build my own computer from scratch and repair my operating system, if necessary. I can create some pretty awesome "Promotional PowerPoints" and I am not afraid to learn new things.

I have learned to be objective, patient, and to take a back seat when necessary.

I am 56 years of age and still have the sexual wisdom of sensuality, maybe even more so than a younger woman who has not become whole.

__________________________

I ask you this....

............Why has my country thrown me away and put me in my rocking chair before my time?

............Why do the men in my country commit what I call 'mental genocide' against women that are over 35 years of age by rudely ignoring them and considering them not even worth holding a conversation with? What are they afraid of? I might be able to see who they really are? Is that so bad?

............Why do I have to be put in a position to watch my every move for fear that a man will think I am trying to "get it on" with him? I enjoy male company around me as well as younger women do. So why do I have to be treated so rudely just because I have a gray hair or two? This is not fair.

__________________________

I now understand why so many older woman appear to be bitter. It is not that they want to be that way, it is that they were forced to be that way to hide the painful feelings that come from the total rejection of who they are. Thank goodness I have not reached that point of bitterness, yet. I am angry and fight every day to keep that bitterness from coming. My country needs to stop acting like kids and grow up. We all are worth something and have something to offer, not just the ones who are making the loudest noise or showing the best 'picture', but all of us.

__________________________

This article "We Have Grown Up, Haven't We?" was completely authored by ©PonGoad 2012. All Rights Reserved aka ©LadyGs Creations 2012. All Rights Reserved.

Enjoy this article? Help vote it up the 'Vine.

Back To Top | Front Page

Published to:

PonGoad's Column, All of Newsvine
Groups: Chaplain's Corner
Regions: none

Public Discussion (41)

I'm interested in hearing your thoughts. Be nice, though, remember CoH.

4 votes

#1 - Sat Feb 11, 2012 11:52 PM EST

Some cultures venerate their more mature citizens. They understand that with age and experience comes wisdom and perspective.

We need to do a better job here.

2 votes

#1.1 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 9:27 AM EST

PonGoad

As a 64 year old widower, I feel a good bit of your pain. I think I can give you at least a little insight from an old married man's point of view (I was married for 31 years before my wife died in 2006 and I am starting to date again.)

Why has my country thrown me away and put me in my rocking chair before my time?

We have produced several generations of "Me-ist" that look at only what "I" want and they believe that they know all of the answers to all the questions that plague mankind. the sad part is that they don't know that they haven't heard all of the questions yet. There seems to be a bit of the "never trust anyone over 30" attitude going around (remember the old 1960's movie Wild in the Streets?).

But also, many of "Us" (the over 50 crowd) don't help that perception either because many of us have not kept up with technology. Like you, I am till a practicing Engineer and could never be confused with being a Luddite, but I am sure you can stand where you are, throw a rock and hit 1 or 2.

Why do I have to be put in a position to watch my every move for fear that a man will think I am trying to "get it on" with him?

That may be because I , at least, have seen a bit of that type of behavior. Let's face, I was part of the "Free Love" (even tho I didn't get much of it) 60's hippie generation until I was drafted, enlisted in the Marines and went to Vietnam. That is the generation that we both are part of and some of use either didn't get enough back then or have forgotten we aren't 18 any more.

My wife of 31 years died from a Cerebral Aneurism in 2006 and by 2009 I had decided I didn't want to go into old age without someone to walk the road with me. I started dating again in 2009 and, not having even the slightest bit of a "Bar Fly" since I got out of the Marines, i had no idea how to meet people. In trying to get to meet new women, I ran into more than a few I felt were trying to show that they were physically as good in the sack now as they were when they were 18. Several I met were ready to take me back to the sack on the first meeting. Hell, don't they realize that all they will be getting is Rocinante?? I've reached the point in life that, if it doesn't hurt, it doesn't work. Don't expect any miracles, I'm fresh out; I'm a grandfather for Christ sake! But likewise there are men that feel they need to prove that they are "Still Bulls." They want trophies that look like Porn Stars, I just want someone to talk to.

Why do the men in my country commit what I call 'mental genocide' against women that are over 35 years of age

I think part of it is the need to show that he is "still a bull", Part is what we see in the magazine, on the adds, and from marketing about the beautiful bodies, and part is probably where you live. A lot of it is the marketing; Beautiful hard bodies that you see in every add. I used to have a body like that; When I got out of the Marines, I had the body of a Greek God, now all I have is the body of a Greek. But a good part of it is that you live in a "Casino City" where most things are just dreams. Everything is fake, from the Steroid Muscles to the Tile Grout Titties.

That is just my opinion.

2 votes

#1.2 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:17 PM EST

Hi Chris...Welcome to my corner of the world

But a good part of it is that you live in a "Casino City" where most things are just dreams. Everything is fake, from the Steroid Muscles to the Tile Grout Titties.

I am glad to hear that there is another man to put into my club of men that I can respect. I have met four in Newsvine - more than I have ever met in person. Even knowing this, it doesn't change the way things are. I will still stand TALL, be Proud, and Fight for what is right ...maybe someday things will change for the better. It is a shame our country wastes such a vital part of its heritage...the wisdom of its older citizens. We have so much to offer and get so little respect in return. Thank you for your kind words. I knew I wasn't just seeing things.

Pon

3 votes

#1.3 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:52 PM EST

I don't have the answers. All I can do is speak for myself. I've always enjoyed the company of older women. They tend to be more mature, wise, smart and sexy. My current spouse is 8 years older than I am. I've always been attracted to older women, even when I was young.

6 votes

#2 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 12:54 AM EST

Maybe it has something to do with demographics. All I know is I live near an area in what I call 'casino land' and not only is it the 'in' thing, but it is a 'must' to marry a woman, at least, half of their age. This mentality is also spreading.

Grisham, I wish there were more men like you...you have no idea how rare of a man you really are. You have just risen another notch in my appreciation of you and your extremely high and objective intelligence.

Pon

4 votes

#2.1 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:17 AM EST

There They Go Again

Pon,

I've seen the way that seems to work and it's not just sexual. There seems to be a culture of youth growing in this country that wants to exclude those of us who are older (I'm 63). Grish can tell you whether it's the same in Canada, I have no first hand knowledge about that. There are constant commercials on TV imploring us to look younger and hotter (while buying their products, of course). To hell with that; it took me years to learn what I've learned. I see no reason to throw all that away just to look like a kid again. Of course, as far as any real relationships are concerned, I do have a wife who is also old style and is very narrow minded about that sort of thing. In anything involving other relationships, though, why should I be relegated to second class status just because I've managed to survive longer than some of those young idiots.

4 votes

#2.2 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:46 AM EST

Hi There They Go Again

Welcome back to my corner. It also is the business world that is keeping this kind of thing going. Try applying for a job at 56 years old whether you are male or female. What kind of chance do you think an older person has who is willing to be themselves verses someone who has had hair implants, boob jobs, or Botox injections? Look at the unemployment lines for that answer.

Remember when CEO's used to be distinguished men in their 40's or 50's? Now the norm for CEO's to be in their 30's and once you get into your 40's, many times you are booted out. So you are right, it is not only women, but men are feeling the wrath of age discrimination, too. It seems to be more apparent with women, though. I do not see woman rudely turning their head away when a man says hi to them. Yet, I see it happen to women all of the time when she says hi to a man as a common courtesy.

I am not against trying to spruce myself up a bit. I use skin care products and put some makeup on to make myself more appealing. When I do this, it gives me a self-esteem boost. To go too far to look like a kid again, though, is ridiculous and looks ridiculous.

AND...I have realized there is no way in this world that I could ever compete with someone who looks like those models we see in those TV commercials. So I do not try. I have my own style to fit in with the day. I purposely do not dye my hair right now. I wear my long hair in such a way that it is utilizing my two-toned brown and gray and adding pony tail clips and such to it to create a modern effect. It fits in with the styles of today while at the same time I am not looking like I am attempting to be a fixed up doll-baby. It doesn't work...it always looks fake to me. I, also wonder why men like this fake look. They must, otherwise, women would not spend so much money trying to look better than the next woman.

Hey, TTGA...I believe in monogamist relationships, too. I've seen what happens to relationships when they are not. I have a friend that was involved in one that was not. The damage that occurs to a couple's relationship can be irriversable.

Pon

3 votes

#3 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 2:45 AM EST

There seems to be a culture of youth growing in this country that wants to exclude those of us who are older (I'm 63). Grish can tell you whether it's the same in Canada, I have no first hand knowledge about that.

It's the same here. Think of Canada as America-light. We watch your TV channels, read your news etc. Your culture is basically part of our culture. We just have a more Liberal bent as a whole I think.

I've been thinking this through and while I agree with TTGA's excellent post, I think there is a definate double standard at play that is probably based (or rooted in) our patriarchal societies.

For example, I'm going prematuraly gray at the temples. When I first noticed it, I dyed my hair. My wife said not to bother because she found it sexy. Many women I've talked to say older men are more 'distinguished' and sexier. When my wife started going gray, she dyed her hair. I asked her why she did that when she didn't want me doing the same. She didn't have much of an answer and she still dyes it. LOL. She did admit it was vanity on her part.

You see this in popular culture as well. Think of George Clooney and Sean Connery. The leading women on the other hand are usually younger women.

Maybe it has something to do with demographics. All I know is I live near an area in what I call 'casino land' and not only is it the 'in' thing, but it is a 'must' to marry a woman, at least, half of their age. This mentality is also spreading.

I think men do it as an ego boost. Kind of like they do when they buy that fancy sports car when they have a midlife crisis (which I hope I never have) because it makes them feel younger. Personally, I don't see the point. We're all racing the clock and we're all going to lose. Might as well enjoy the age we're at and forget the rest of the nonsense. There are advantages to age.

Grisham, I wish there were more men like you...you have no idea how rare of a man you really are. You have just risen another notch in my appreciation of you and your extremely high and objective intelligence.

Thanks, Pon. *blush*

3 votes

#4 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 3:49 AM EST

I think men do it as an ego boost. Kind of like they do when they buy that fancy sports car when they have a midlife crisis (which I hope I never have) because it makes them feel younger.

You may be right about this, but I believe it is even more prevelant in "casino land" areas. When working in a high echelon casino, I rarely saw a couple that was close in age. It was like the entrance in a special club where you were given the privilege of having bragging rights (your point-possible ego boost). In surrounding areas away from 'casino land', it is the same thing.

She did admit it was vanity on her part.

You know she makes herself beautiful for you. :)

You see this in popular culture as well. Think of George Clooney and Sean Connery. The leading women on the other hand are usually younger women.

That also is part of the problem. What we see on TV or in the movies we tend to unconsciously accept as the way it should be even if we deny it consciously. There is no getting around it.

Thanks, Pon. *blush*

You are very welcome, Grish :)

1 vote

#4.1 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 4:43 AM EST

Pon I really enjoyed this article because it speaks to what I've noticed about our society and my own journey too. I'm getting ready to turn 43 and have the gray showing up, the wrinkles, age spots, the boobs that have decided to head south for the winter. For years now I've been fighting the good fight with creams, home made concoctions, hair dye....futile. Unless you can Beverly Hills 90210 it....have the money or insurance for it....you are fighting a futile battle and I'm starting to realize this. If you aren't beautiful on the inside, it doesn't matter what you look like. So as I age, that's where my emphasis on beauty is having to turn to.

I am married to a man much younger than I am. He only cares about the inside of me and I always feel beautiful in his presence. The way we met was playing a MMORPG called FFXI and for several years we only knew about the "insides" of eachother and when we finally met in person, there were no surprises. The inside matched the outside.

Society, media, science, religion and fear drive the quest for the youth I think. As we age, we begin to realize our mortality and it can be scary. It has been for me at different points in my life. Turning 29 was one of the worst for me. Airbrushes, Photoshop programs, plastic surgery, extreme diets and any manner of thing cannot make true beauty. When you are beautiful inside it resonates and makes your exterior glow I think. Have you ever seen someone who physically was drop dead gorgeous but still found them repulsive? Cold? Angelina Jolie comes across like that to me. It may be a facade and she could be a wonderful person but her public persona gives off that feel to me. She's wearing a pretty skin but its hollow underneath.

As my therapist reminded me this week - Ghandi - "Be the change you want to see in the world." People who only value youth, beauty and shallow things reap what they sow....emptiness.

2 votes

#5 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 8:13 AM EST

Hi Jackie

If you aren't beautiful on the inside, it doesn't matter what you look like.

What I am seeing is that youthful beauty on the outside is becoming more prevalent and more important than beauty on the inside. It is all over the place and right in my face...in the media, in the workforce, and in just walking down the street .

I am married to a man much younger than I am. He only cares about the inside of me and I always feel beautiful in his presence.

You are fortunate and the man you married is another gem like Grisham who does not just carte blanche throw away older women just because they are older. Any man I see that has accepted an older woman into their realm and is willing to have casual conversations and-or have a romantic relationship with her has my respect. Because I find it so rare, I am always very verbal about it when I see it and tell them directly how much I respect their beliefs.

In 'casino land' it appears to be more the norm that how much money you have and make determines whether an older person will be permitted to join that 'special club'.

Have you ever seen someone who physically was drop dead gorgeous but still found them repulsive? Cold? Angelina Jolie comes across like that to me. It may be a facade and she could be a wonderful person but her public persona gives off that feel to me. She's wearing a pretty skin but its hollow underneath.

It may be a facade, but IMO, our society today doesn't care about beauty on the inside. Everyone seems to want and finds a show piece they can brag about not so much someone they can share ideas with on similar levels.

People who only value youth, beauty and shallow things reap what they sow....emptiness.

The outside world around me.

_________________________

Jackie, since we are new friends I hope you do not disappear because I disagree with some of the things you say. Your posts are excellent and we share much of the same thoughts. I still say, though, our experiences with our interactions with men has much to do with where we live. If I drive 50-75 miles away from where I am now, I can see the difference in how I am treated in just walking down the street. Here's to hopefully a long friendship.

Pon

2 votes

#5.1 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:09 PM EST

Pon I don't think we've had a disagreement yet! You are a kindred soul and I am grateful we've connected here! I enjoy reading differing views about things - if everybody thought the same way about everything it would be a pretty boring world! In my opinion, it's all in the level of tact and mutual respect when messages are shared and received! I passed your article on to my mother-in-law (she just turned 51 this year) and she really enjoyed it. She has felt like when you get to the 50's as a woman you start to become a "non-person" in certain circles.

2 votes

#5.2 - Mon Feb 13, 2012 11:45 AM EST

I'm glad to know I am not the only one who has come up against the "total rejection of who we are". You and your mother-in-law are probably young-at-heart, too, as so many of us women and men who can and are willing to keep up with the times. Pon

2 votes

#5.3 - Mon Feb 13, 2012 3:19 PM EST

Citizen Kane-473667

Hey! Wait a second! I'm one of those "men" and I like talking to women that have a gray hair or two--and even a whole head full of them! Sure, I hope they want to jump my bones, but I'm not there just for that reason alone, or even mainly for that matter. Matter of fact, I'm happily married so the most I'll get out of being propositioned by them is an ego boost. Sure my wife is younger than me. She is still in her late mid-thirties and I'm in my late forties. Never thought of her as any sort of "trophy". I married her for her. ALL of her! I even knew that genectics wouyd probably bless her with an expanding backside as she got older and I was right! Does that mean it's time to trade her in for a younger model? OH HELL NO!!! Me and the kids gave her those streaks of grey in her hair. It was my cooking that she loves so much that expanded her butt. Ain't no way in Hell you are taking that woman away from us! And she is STILL an interesting mind to probe...when we can talk for more than five minutes without the kids interrupting us that is! :o)

I LOVE YOUR TASTE IN MUSIC! My wife doesn't dance and she is the very jealous type, but I love to dance too. The things we give up for Love!

Great article Pon Goad!!!

4 votes

#6 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 8:28 AM EST

Hi Citizen Kane...Welcome...your are one of those 'men', but you do not ignore older women. You are now also in my club with Jackie's husband, Grisham, and a few very others.

An ego-boost is always a good thing no matter what area it is in. I'm not suggesting that propositioning a married man or woman is a good thing. An ego-boost is an ego-boost. I do my best every day to give, at least, one person a boost whether it is just to say hi, to say something flattering about their appearance, or to appreciate something they have done. It feels good inside when I see a 'smile' after I have done so. I feel there is nothing wrong with that and should be done more often by more people. Maybe it would take the cold edge off of all of the bad stuff we have to endure.

I'm glad you like my tastes in music. No reason for anyone to be jealous. I sometimes do a little DJing with my work and in DJing I attempt to cater to all tastes that are present even if I personally do not like a particular piece. We pick and choose what type of music we listen to and if we don't like it, then we don't listen to it. It is difficult, sometimes, to find some of the genres on the web without all kinds of in-your-face stuff in them. It is the way the music world has involved. No more is music just listening to it on the radio. My sons are guilty of this. They are part of the music world too. They have created some awesome stuff that is really cool to listen to, but I have only shared one of their pieces which anyone who hears it can see it belongs with the rest of music I have shared. No marketing, no monetary association...just excellent music, at least in my interpretation.

Thanks Citizen Kane and all of you who have posted here and have given me things to think about. Pon

2 votes

#6.1 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:59 PM EST

Unfortunately, young, beautiful ,thin and rich get most of the respect that is given.

3 votes

#7 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:05 AM EST

Hi tzia62

Unfortunately, young, beautiful ,thin and rich get most of the respect that is given.

That does seem to be the case. Apparently, though, some people have a different take on it than you and I do.

Pon

3 votes

#7.1 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 2:05 PM EST

Hi tzia62

Unfortunately, young, beautiful ,thin and rich get most of the respect that is given.

That does seem to be the case. Apparently, though, some people have a different perspective on it than you and I do.

Pon

2 votes

#8 - Sun Feb 12, 2012 2:05 PM EST

i wanted a girl when i was a boy, as a man i can tell ya the love of my life has all gray hair and is a woman.

boys want girls. older does not mean OLD. IMO.

nice article Pon.

3 votes

#9 - Mon Feb 13, 2012 12:20 AM EST

Hi 58rose

I love it! AND...you are right, older does not mean OLD.

Pon

3 votes

#9.1 - Mon Feb 13, 2012 12:34 AM EST

Pon- Good article about the shallow values we have developed in this culture that places such high esteem on such superficial materialistic appearances. It's sad but it's been a long time in the making and I don‘t see it changing until after the collapse. Everything is relative to relativity.

I too like older women, their wisdom and experience is a precious asset to converse with in the quiet evenings. Nothing against your being so young… you sound like a beautiful person… but… just a tad young for my tastes right now... Maybe in a few years when you‘re older, I might ask you to dance.

2 votes

#10 - Mon Feb 13, 2012 12:26 PM EST

You are AOK, Dale95. I do know how to slow it down a bit, too. Wisdom with youthfulness... How's that for a combination. Maybe in a few years I'll accept that dance offer, too

Pon

3 votes

#10.1 - Mon Feb 13, 2012 3:04 PM EST

This is not fair.

Who said life was fair?

I'm 27 years old. I'm a woman. Why do I get overlooked for jobs because I lack "experience" (when I cannot get experience unless I have a job)? Why can't I wear a skirt and heels without someone thinking I'm using sex appeal to get ahead?

I haven't had an engaging face-to-face conversation with a man in a very long time -- they all boil down to: "can I have your number?"

Why do I get referred to as "Sweetie" or "Honey" in interviews?

Who said life was fair? Or that it was even meant to be?...

2 votes

#11 - Wed Feb 15, 2012 9:39 AM EST

Hi weRdoomed...Thank you for visiting my column.

Who said life was fair? Or that it was even meant to be

There was a time when it was a universally accepted, unspoken expectation that life would be fair. Apparently judging by the anger I hear in your comment this unspoken expectation is no longer apparent even with women much younger than I.

I'm 27 years old. I'm a woman. Why do I get overlooked for jobs because I lack "experience" (when I cannot get experience unless I have a job

I have two sons who are in and around your age and have experienced the same frustrations of being overlooked for jobs even with one of them having a Bachelor's Degree. I believe it is because of all of outscourcing, robotics, and foreign labor that the USA has adopted in the workforce.

Why can't I wear a skirt and heels without someone thinking I'm using sex appeal to get ahead?

Here's another slant to the same kind of thing. Approximately 10 years ago, I lost approximately 55 pounds and was in excellent shape. All of a sudden I noticed people were treating me coldly and it seemed they were trying to stab me in the back all of the time. I was talking to one of my sons about it one day and he came out with some words of wisdom I will never forget:

"Mom, if you don't look good, people don't care. If you look good, everyone thinks you are after something."

After my being treated so badly because of my taking care of myself, I realized why beautiful girls and women sometimes seem so snobbish. It's because of other people treating them so mean that they feel a need to be in a club by themselves and ignore those back-stabbing snakes.

I haven't had an engaging face-to-face conversation with a man in a very long time

It never used to be so prevalent as it is now.

Who said life was fair? Or that it was even meant to be?...

No one. It used to be fair for me, but it is difficult to handle when it goes away because of the total rejection of who we are.

Pon

3 votes

#11.1 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 3:16 AM EST

I totally hear you, Pon. But I stopped believing life was fair after age 5. <--- not being snide, this is just really true.

I don't think it was fair many years ago either. People have and always will be judged on factors that are out of their control (race/gender/sexuality), economic status (clothing, grooming capabilities), religion, and physical attributes (BMI, hair color, attractiveness, etc).

If anything, I think it is getting BETTER, believe it or not! Women are achieving more than they ever have before, professionally. Civil rights, gay rights, women's rights....these movements have gained a lot of traction. All in the attempt to make like more fair.

Maybe, in the past, you were just very lucky -- lucky that you somehow managed to pass under the radar and not be privy to how unfair the world really is for most people?

In any case --- I got your back, sister!! :D

2 votes

#11.2 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 9:53 AM EST

AND...I've got yours, sister!!!

2 votes

#11.3 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 10:52 AM EST

Hi PonGoad,

I saw your question on Piletre's page - #3.2

Yes, I'm new to newsvine although I originally started posting on MSNBC. I was saved from the nastiness by some very nice people on newsvine. Piletre was one of the first.

I really enjoy writing on my page, meeting new people and sharing new ideas. I also share my art, both hand drawn, and electronic media...

As to the subject of your article. I'm about two years younger than you. I'm also a student at a local community college, I'm surrounded by people of all ages and love to interact with everyone.

I find beauty in all ages. Would I choose to be with a twenty-something? No, and I would question why a twenty-something would want to be with me. Thirty-something? Not likely, maybe but, not likely she better be real mature, and we better have some very strong connections. There is just too many cultural references that she would not get... I mean, in the end I am a deep thinker, and I thrive on deep conversations... there is a certain level of conversing that most young people just don't get yet.

As to more mature ladies, sure... I see the beauty in all ages. Of course, I want to be with someone that is age appropriate. I will say this about the young things, and me as an old thing "there is no fool, like an old fool..."

For me, right now I consider myself - "Actively not Seeking"... life is too busy, and I'm too set in my ways to be with anyone. I have no pets, and no plants. I don't want anything or anyone to rely on me. And, right now with school my one, and only priority. I'll keep it that way for awhile yet...

You mentioned "casino land" of which I've spent time over the last decade (at least the Nevada variety) for various family events, and business. As I was just visiting, I know I don't know the inner workings of those cities. But, when I saw the older men with the younger women I thought, hmm... He must be a rich guy... and, then someone brought to my attention that the younger women were probably "Rentals"... Oh... I get it...

Anyway, great article and it's nice to meet you, with respect Master Link.

1 vote

#12 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 12:44 AM EST

Hi Master Link (I like your name)

For me, right now I consider myself - "Actively not Seeking"

I am not actively seeking either.

My point in writing this article is that that even if I just want to say hi to a man in passing, much of the time, they very noticeably turn their head and totally ignore me. I take it to be rude. I am at the point now where I do the same thing before they do it to me. This never happened when I was younger, but it does now. It doesn't make a person feel very good to be just rudely outright ignored like that. I mean, just passing someone in a WaWa parking and saying hi is just common courtesy and nothing else.

Welcome to Newsvine. Pon

3 votes

#13 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:06 AM EST

PonGoad,

I know what you are talking about when you say people are averting their eyes, and I'm not sure it's just men. Although, I'm sure things have changed since we've all matured, I'm not sure it is personal.

Ten years ago I was much more shy than I am now. My ex-wife of two years, knocked all the shyness right out of me (for which I'm grateful). I am a people watcher by nature, and I know even a few years ago attempting eye contact with an elderly person, such as a person in their seventies was difficult. I started to think of them as the "Invisible generations" I don't know if they just weren't used to a younger person trying to make eye contact, or it had been so long since anyone tried, that they'd just given up. Or maybe it was a defensive maneuver on their part, I'm not scary - more of a teddy bear type - but, maybe younger people just scared them. I don't know. One of the reason's I wanted to make eye contact for instance was if I was going into a store and met them at the door, I wanted them to see that I saw them... and was willing to hold the door or give them room, or wasn't going to just walk over them.

Oh, by the way... now older people are starting to make eye contact with me... I don't know what changed... maybe it's my graying hair?

I think as we age we are always going through a phase, and I wouldn't take the eye contact thing to seriously right now. It maybe difficult... I know it's difficult... even though my classmates voted me into a school office - editor of the school paper... some of the kids still don't get me. I laugh and joke in class where appropriate, but sometimes I'm still met with suspicion, and it hurts a little. As Stuart Smally of SNL says, "I'm okay and darn it people like me."

#13.1 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:32 AM EST

You think much the way I think, but my response to 'going through a phase' is this:

I now understand why so many older woman appear to be bitter. It is not that they want to be that way, it is that they were forced to be that way to hide the painful feelings that come from the total rejection of who they are.

And I mean total rejection of who we are.

I am so tired of people making excuses for their actions by telling me 'I am going through a phase', or it must be 'that time of the month', or 'I am too old to understand'. I understand rejection and rudeness when I see it. You do not live where I live and I am telling you it is bad. It is not just a few men, it is 99% of them. This is no phase. This is life and common courtesy is no longer mainstream. Rudeness is rudeness and rejection is rejection no matter what angle is put on it.

Pon

2 votes

#13.2 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 3:02 AM EST

I'm sorry you are hurting Pon. I forget where I live is very nice...

Nice enough to win recognition for being nice... visitors send letters back to my hometown paper, exclaiming about how nice everyone here is. I just forget sometimes, I am privileged to live in this small town... where I am known and where I know someone just about everywhere I go...

And, I can't say I've even really noticed older women being particularly bitter... not that I don't see it once in awhile...

Most of the time, I go through this world with a big ole grin... and it's returned most of the time... by young and old alike. Male and female alike... and I can even get a grin from people of different races as well...

Once again, living in a nice town... matters... I'm not so goofy as to try this away from home...

I am sending you... a big ole grin... and a pleasant good night...

1 vote

#13.3 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 3:41 AM EST

Same to you, Master Link.

1 vote

#13.4 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 3:53 AM EST

I have felt that too..., in a very big way. Aloofness sorta, in a 'NYC' kind of 'multi-tasking' high-tech distraction sort of way. It seems to be more cultural than personal and I have come to accept it..., and respond in much the same kind of way. When I'm with my dog, she gets 100% of my attention..., 100% of the time, and passerby’s..., they just pass on by.

1 vote

#13.5 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:03 AM EST

Hi Dale95

It's not aloofness at all in my area. It is out-and-out deliberate ignorance and rudeness. I am not willing to accept that I only have a dog to love. I refuse to accept being put in my rocking chair. No one has that right to force it on me. They may think they do because they can get away with it. I stand up proud of who I am and I will continue to say hi no matter how many times I am rejected. AND...if I am rejected enough, I will get an attitude, too, and yank my head around when someone looks at me.

I am Me and I am Who I Want to Be!

You will not force me into a rocking chair before my time!

I have a youthful heart with the wisdom to see inside your soul - not just in Black and White, but in shades of gray also!

I am a vital part of my community and my world!

Be careful about throwing me away...you may be throwing away your future!

......Soylent Green............................................................................................!

2 votes

#13.6 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:29 AM EST

And you have some passion too... it seems. And that is a good thing.

If you could do anything in this world... to make it a better place..., what would you do... that could possible work (realistic)?

1 vote

#13.7 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 7:43 AM EST

Hi, again, Dale95

Good question. Uh, I'll have to think about that one. No one's asked me that in a while.

Pon

2 votes

#13.8 - Thu Feb 16, 2012 7:46 AM EST

Hi Pon,

("Uh, I'll have to think about that one.")

That’s cool, take your time. Deep thinking---it’s how I come up with most of my good ideas… while rocking in my chair. LOL.

1 vote

#13.9 - Fri Feb 17, 2012 7:37 PM EST

Hi Dale,

HaHa...I'm not in my chair yet!!! :)

2 votes

#13.10 - Fri Feb 17, 2012 7:45 PM EST

Your probably still too young for that yet. Bng---bing---bing. LOL.

1 vote

#13.11 - Sat Feb 18, 2012 5:27 AM EST

Huh??? I guess I am.

Pon

2 votes

#13.12 - Sat Feb 18, 2012 5:29 AM EST

Leave a Comment:

You're in Easy Mode. If you prefer, you can use XHTML Mode instead.

Newsvine Privacy Statement

As a new user, you may notice a few temporary content restrictions. Click here for more info.

FUN STUFF:

COMPANY STUFF:

LEGAL STUFF:

© 2005-2012 Newsvine, Inc. |
Newsvine® is a registered trademark of Newsvine, Inc. |
Newsvine is a property of